To: The National Eye Institute.

I really didn''t know who else to ask but my girl friend has cataracts and is making do a creepy thing during sex. She insists if I ejaculate into her eyes that the sperm with eat away her cataracts over time. Is this true? I really do not like doing this. Please let me know.
-Gary 




Reply:



Thank you for your inquiry. The National Eye Institute (NEI), part of the National Institutes of Health, leads the federal government's research on the visual system and eye diseases. NEI supports basic and clinical science programs that result in the development of sight-saving treatments.

A cataract is a clouding of the lens inside the eye that affects vision. Most cataracts are related to aging. Cataracts are very common in older people. By age 80, more than half of all Americans either have a cataract or have had cataract surgery. A cataract can occur in either or both eyes. It cannot spread from one eye to the other. At this time, surgery is the only treatment for cataracts.

For information about cataract, please visit the following websites:

Facts About Cataracts
http://www.nei.nih.gov/health/cataract/cataract_facts.asp

Medline Plus, Cataract
http://medlineplus.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/cataract.html

University of Maryland Medical Center, Cataracts
http://www.umm.edu/patiented/articles/what_cataracts_000026_1.htm

We hope this information is helpful.

Office of Communication, Health Education, and Public Liaison
National Eye Institute
National Institutes of Health
Bethesda, Maryland 20892-2510
USA 

PRANK LETTER TO MID: They really do supply water, I been lied to, lol!!

My name is, Gary. I am hoping you can settle an argument with my girl friend. Our dog just recently died and it is against the law to bury it in the back yard, so I wanted to flush him down the toilet but Ash (my girl friend) said that was illegal too as it goes to the sewer farm to be made into water to drink again. So I left to get a Pepsi and when I got back she had sent the dog threw the garbage disposal.
So we got into a BIG argument over where that water goes. I insist it goes to the same place as toilet water but she says it goes to the ocean. Who is right?

-Gary




Thank you for your email.  You will need to contact your local water supplier for an answer to your question.   We are the electric company.

Thank you,
Customer Service
Modesto Irrigation District

Mother Cookies
I am kind of amused but also shocked. I would say a quarter of my bag of Circus Animal cookies had male genitals. Um, why? Have some cookies always had this and I am just now noticing? I do not feel kids should be eating this. Please write back. I am very perplexed!!!!

                                                         -Rev. Brooks

REPLY:

Rev. Brooks,

Thank you for contacting us about Mother's® Cookies Circus Animal. We are sorry that your experience with this product was unsatisfactory.

Our goal is to provide consumers with wholesome, high-quality products.  Stringent quality control measures are set for each part of our manufacturing process from the delivery of raw materials through the distribution of packaged foods.

We are concerned when a customer finds a difference of shape or size from the expected. The production process is continuously monitored to assure a quality product.  However, variation in manufacturing equipment and ingredients can occasionally result in a misshapen or irregular pieces. Again, we are sorry that this occurred.

We value the comments you have shared with us and will report them to our Quality Assurance team for follow-up. The information that you provided will help ensure that our products and services continue to meet the highest quality standards.

We hope you will be pleased with your next purchase.

Sincerely,


Nikki Weitnauer
Consumer Affairs Department

Old letter I wrote to Rolling Rock Extra Pale Beer.

Dear Great people at Rolling Rock Extra Pale. There is a horse on the beer bottles, what’s his or her name? My friend says the horse is named Chris and that’s funny because my name is Kris but spelled with a K. I always have a crisp cool Rolling Rock in my hand and when my friends see me walking on the road they say there’s Chris and Kris. From the moment I wake up time to the time I fall asleep I’m drinking Rolling Rock. Please write back with the name of the Horse. I MUST KNOW!!!!

-Kris Masturbate

REPLY:

Hi Kris,

Thanks for taking the time to contact Rolling Rock.  I’m glad to hear that you’re such a true fan of the beer, and I thank you for your undaunted loyalty to our legendary green bottle beer.

To be perfectly honest with you, I’ve never heard any official naming of the horse on the Rolling Rock bottles.  I’ve heard plenty of things about the “33” and the painted labels, but never has anyone told me about a name for the horse.  I do know that there is speculation that the horse appears on the label because it is rumored that he won a hefty amount of money for the Tito brothers, who used their winnings to found the Latrobe brewery that eventually gave birth to Rolling Rock.  But I have no idea if that horse’s name was Chris.

Honestly, if you want to call him Chris, I say go for it.  Or really, go for Kris if you’d like!

Thanks again Kris for writing Rolling Rock.  I hope that you’re able to enjoy your 4^th of July with a cold Rolling Rock by your side.  If you should have any further questions or comments, feel free to send them my way.

Brian

Rolling Rock

Letter to Little Debbie

Little Debbie
My name is Kimmy Taylor, I am 48 years old. I enjoy your products with great joy.  I have a URGENT DILEMMA. My daughter Angela does all my grocery shopping for me over the last 20 years. I can not leave the house because of my weight. As of last night she refuses to purchase any sweets for me because she wants me to loose 400 pounds. She doesn’t understand that a person can not just change to healthy eating OVER NIGHT. I am in trouble! Is there any way PLEASE your company can ship a pallet of cakes and pastries into my home, by my bed. I will hide them behind me so Angela will NOT see them. I will need them delivered between the times of 2pm-5pm as she goes to the GYM to work out so she will not be at home to ruin our plan. I beg you to help me in my struggle against my daughters shopping. I have Visa and MasterCard and will pay any price. PLEASE GET BACK TO ME SOON INCASE YOU CAN NOT DO THIS AND I CAN CONTACT SOMEONE ELSE!

Thank You Thank You Thank You in advance!

-Kimmy Taylor.

REPLY:

Dear Ms. Taylor:

Thank you for your comments concerning LITTLE DEBBIE® products.  We always enjoy hearing from our consumers. It is because of people like you that our products have been such a success.

Your satisfaction is important to us, but unfortunately, we are not set up to ship directly to our consumers. We hope this will not inconvenience you and that you will continue to enjoy LITTLE DEBBIE® products.  If you have further questions, please call us toll free at 1-800-522-4499 or e-mail us again.

In addition, we invite you to visit our website: www.littledebbie.com to search for products in your area using our new product locator. You will find this feature located under the "Products" header and it offers an opportunity to search for store locations up to a 50 mile radius using your zip code.

Sincerely,

MCKEE FOODS CORPORATION

Kathy Chandler
Senior Consumer Care Correspondent

Fish Depression: Second fish expert reply.

Subject	Fish depression
Question	Hi my name is Gary and I own a cat fish named Steve. I think Steve is depressed as he does not swim around much and keeps a blank expression. I took him to the post office and used their scale to weigh him, he weighs a little over 13oz's. The reason I weighed him is I am trying to figure out a ratio of body weight to Prozac ratio. Before I put Steve on a anti depressant I am asking around to some experts like your self about if there is any fish anti depressants made for fish already? If so great! I am going to have to fake depression to my Doctor so I can get Steve meds. -Gary
Answer	Hi, It's fantastic you care so much about your fish. Most catfish that get that size are ether ambush predators or normally nocturnal. I would be he is not depressed, and the medication has the potential to hurt him. I have a few catfish like him, 2 act just like Steve is, and one of my catfish species has even evolved to play dead so its prey comes up to it, and then it eats them. If this is new behavior, it is because catfish can take years to get used to a tank, and this is a sign he's used to it and feels safe in his home. Just some general tips if you don't mind, make sure he has plenty of places to hide during the day, and make sure the light isn't too bright.
	Good Luck and enjoy the hobby!

Letter to: Bass Pro Shops

To: Bass Pro Shops


I was referred to you by, Shanda, from Springfield, MO.
  My name is Gary Duffey, I am writing on behalf of my mentally
handicap brother, Tom. Tom wants to go fishing but has a phobia of
being outside. Will it be possible for Tom to go fishing in one of
your indoor aquarium's? This would be strictly catch and release of
course. He is very well tempered, he really only screams when he is
outside. Let us know if this is ok, I don't want to get Tom's hopes up
for nothing.

-Gary


Reply:


Gary
I am sorry but our fish are for display only. We do feed them every Sat, Sun at 1pm. Cool to watch if you want to bring him down. Thanks and have a great day.